Missing my angel babies

I have always been able to get pregnant real easy. The hard part was carrying the baby to term.

The first time I got pregnant I was 22 years old. I was in an abusive relationship, which wasn’t fair to my unborn son. I still kick myself everyday for not leaving the day I found out I was pregnant. My bf, the father said it wouldn’t happen again he was so happy and excited to be having a child. Five months into the pregnancy,  he came home drunk and mad because of something that happened at work. Took it out on me, which caused me to go into labor. At 22 weeks, I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, that weighed 1 lb. 2 oz. With the advanced technology nowadays maybe my sweet boy would have had a chance. Three days later I laid my baby in the ground to wait for my arms to hold him again in heaven. He would have been 21 yo this year.

 

Three years later,I found out I was pregnant again. The first Dr appointment, we heard the sounds of two heart beats. Excitement was an understatement. But again it was not meant to be. Three weeks later, I was back in the hospital. I had miscarried my little twins. They would have been 18 yo this year.

 

Two years later, I was pregnant again. I was with my oldest boys now daddy.  This child’s due date was in  May, 1999. But 8 weeks into the pregnancy,  I had miscarried yet again. This sweet child of mine would have been 16 this year.

The reason behind a date on the last miscarriage is because within a couple weeks of the miscarriage,  I got pregnant with the oldest.  He would  be my little miracle, my little fellow that would make it. Even though at 30 weeks, I was took out of work and put on complete bed rest.  I had pre-eclampsia,  at 33 weeks, the Dr’s took my baby via c-section.  His heart rate was dropping and I had gained 100 lbs. within that 3 weeks. He was born weighing 3 lbs. 10 oz. He had to have a feeding tube and be put in a warmer. But 2.5 weeks later, we got bring him home.

It is extremely hard know I should have four more children in my life. I visit the grave of my oldest child often, just to let him know I will always love him. Even though I don’t have a grave to visit with the other babies. I sure hope they know in my heart, I miss them dearly everyday. I can’t wait to crossover the pearly gates and hold them all in my arms some day.

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