Another life lost.

It is sad when a life is lost. Especially when the person isn’t old nor sick.


I moved this this farm when I was 15 years old. My dad and mom was coming here to work. The man that owned it and his wife walked around with us while they talked about the job and what all it entailed.

Through the years of me moving out and starting a life of my own,we still had contact with this farm and it’s owners through my parents. I will admit, it was a cordial acquaintance. We spoke and had conversations but not what you would call a friendship.

Five years ago this month, I moved back to this same farm, this time  in a trailer across from my parents home. I paid rent and still didn’t have a big relationship with the wife until two years ago when I started working with her as a part time job to help pay off some bills. For the next year and half . I really got to know this woman. I know she suffered from depression, she was bipolar and abused mental. Her husband had always yelled at her, like a dog. She couldn’t even make a decision without his approval. It shrunk her self esteem to nothing. Of course their children growing up seeing this, her 20 something year old son, treated her the same way. In which when I was around I would speak my mind about such behavior. On many occasions I would tell her son that no child should ever speak to their mother that way. I guess I’m old school, I was taught to respect my elders and parents. She would get a kick out of me sticking up for her. But she still wouldn’t speak up for herself.

Well I quit that job but I still talked to this woman. Not only because she was my landlord, like before but I actually tried to show her kindness that I know she hadn’t received.

This woman two weeks ago started getting sick. Not like a cold or anything but she in my opinion was getting depressed again. Her husband was taking her back and forth to the Dr. Finally they put her in the hospital, yesterday she died. They are thinking a blood clot. When I heard the news I was speechless. It came out of nowhere. Just two weeks ago, she was working on the farm, and getting along fine

I just pray that this lady is at rest now. In heaven, with other angels that won’t degrade her and make her feel less than.

She was only ten years older than me, I wish with all my heart, I could go back and start a friendship with her sooner. She had a great sense of humor and was a really good person.

I hope you RIP Patsy and fly high with the angels. You will be missed.

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Friendship Revolution

Friendship, if you look up the definition it is a relationship of mutual affection between two or more people.

I’ve always had trouble making friends. I have acquaintances. People I see everyday but I know it’s not the same thing as a friend. I have a best friend since high school, but between life, work and kids, we don’t hang out as much as we’d both like too.

I must say since starting this page and joining an group, I’ve made more friends in the last 8 months than I’ve had my whole life. People that I share my good as well as bad times with and they share theirs with me. Even though I will probably never meet them face to face, they are there for me as I will be for them.

We all need a friend from time to time, to lift us up when we are down. To laugh with us at the funny parts of life. To lend an ear when the life is just to hard to handle. Isn’t that what being human is about.

A true friend has compassion.

A true friend knows that even when you disagree with each other, that your friendship means more than letting it escalate to losing a friend.

So go hug your friend and let them know you love them.



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OBP- WORD SWAP Happiness

I have joined a great bunch of bloggers for a word swap, the original bunker punks. Who I am honored to be a member of. My word prompt is Happiness.

Happiness comes differently to everyone. My happiest time always involves my children.

Happiness is seeing that little face who you helped create for the first time.

Happiness is hearing I love you momma.

Happiness is the snuggles while you read a book to your little one.

Happiness is watching all the firsts.

Happiness is dancing in the rain on a warm spring day.

Happiness is laying on the floor and coloring with a child.

Happiness is teaching your 15 year old to shave.

Happiness is watching your child fall in love.

Happiness is the joy of watching your  children grow up to adulthood where you only hope that you taught them how to be truly happy.

What brings you happiness?

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Sunday Confessions: Cheese

Cheese, when most people see this word they think of the yummy dairy food. But I on the other hand think of all the great pictures I’ve taken of my children over the years.

As soon as I pull out a camera or my phone, since new technology has everything you will need electronically in one little device. That’s when the smiles and the funny faces begin. To be captured forever like time stands still.

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Missing my angel babies

I have always been able to get pregnant real easy. The hard part was carrying the baby to term.

The first time I got pregnant I was 22 years old. I was in an abusive relationship, which wasn’t fair to my unborn son. I still kick myself everyday for not leaving the day I found out I was pregnant. My bf, the father said it wouldn’t happen again he was so happy and excited to be having a child. Five months into the pregnancy,  he came home drunk and mad because of something that happened at work. Took it out on me, which caused me to go into labor. At 22 weeks, I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, that weighed 1 lb. 2 oz. With the advanced technology nowadays maybe my sweet boy would have had a chance. Three days later I laid my baby in the ground to wait for my arms to hold him again in heaven. He would have been 21 yo this year.


Three years later,I found out I was pregnant again. The first Dr appointment, we heard the sounds of two heart beats. Excitement was an understatement. But again it was not meant to be. Three weeks later, I was back in the hospital. I had miscarried my little twins. They would have been 18 yo this year.


Two years later, I was pregnant again. I was with my oldest boys now daddy.  This child’s due date was in  May, 1999. But 8 weeks into the pregnancy,  I had miscarried yet again. This sweet child of mine would have been 16 this year.

The reason behind a date on the last miscarriage is because within a couple weeks of the miscarriage,  I got pregnant with the oldest.  He would  be my little miracle, my little fellow that would make it. Even though at 30 weeks, I was took out of work and put on complete bed rest.  I had pre-eclampsia,  at 33 weeks, the Dr’s took my baby via c-section.  His heart rate was dropping and I had gained 100 lbs. within that 3 weeks. He was born weighing 3 lbs. 10 oz. He had to have a feeding tube and be put in a warmer. But 2.5 weeks later, we got bring him home.

It is extremely hard know I should have four more children in my life. I visit the grave of my oldest child often, just to let him know I will always love him. Even though I don’t have a grave to visit with the other babies. I sure hope they know in my heart, I miss them dearly everyday. I can’t wait to crossover the pearly gates and hold them all in my arms some day.

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My Cristmas Wish 2014

My Christmas wishes this year are kind of unrealistic but I’ve got to hold on to hope and dreams for a better world for my children.

1. I wish the world would stop fighting so all the wonderful men and women that serve their countries could spend their holidays as well as their lives with their families.

2. I wish that ever hungry child/adult would get their belly full and not have to worry where their next meal was coming from.

3. I wish that every child that has ever felt unloved or unwanted would find that one person that will love them unconditionally.

4. I wish the gates of heaven would open for just one day so we could visit with that special loved one that we miss so dearly. Just one more hug!!

5. I wish every person in this world would quit looking at people by the color of their skin, sexual orientation or religion. We are all human beings and deserve to be happy and loved the way we are.

6.I wish these great scientist with their big brains would find a cure for cancer. There is not a person I know that hasn’t lost a loved one from this awful disease.

7. I wish all the violence would end. We need to show kindness and respect to people. Isn’t that the kinda world we want to leave to our children?

8. I wish everyone a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Try to show just a little kindness in the new year. Try to make the world just a little brighter for someone who may need it but never know anyone cared enough to show it..

What are some of your wishes this Christmas season?

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Christmas 2014 compared to last year

Last year due to some unforseen circumstances I wasn’t able to give my children much of a Christmas. They each had one gift under the tree. The cupboards and deep freezer were empty. I was already working two jobs and was still struggling to make ends meet. Since that time I have paid off some bills and started a financial plan that really works for me. I even have extra money in the bank for a rainy day.

This year I got to quit my second job in June which gives me a lot more time with the kids. We have cupboards and a freezer full of food. I have went a little overboard in the presents this year. But when I remember them sad but thankful faces last year it makes it all worth it come Christmas morning when they see what Santa has done this year.

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Sunday Confessions: Father

Father that word holds so many emotions for me.

Happy: I had the greatest father. He was always around, worked hard to give me a good life. Always there when I needed anything whether it was a shoulder to cry on, a father figure for my son. He also showed me what a good parent is supposed to be. Kind, gentle, even strict when the time was needed. He was definitely a rock in my eyes, the way a father should be to their daughter.

Sadness: I’ve had friends that were sexual and physically abused by their father. The man in their life that should be the pillar of how a man is supposed to treat them, their first male role model in life. That has damaged them beyond repair in some cases. Ending in being the wrong interpretation of men in these young girls eyes.

Confusion: I’ve seen fathers walk away from their own child like they don’t matter at all. They created this life and it’s a lifetime commitment. Not to throw away that bond that a child can only get from their father.

Excitement: I get to be the father in my sons lives. I have participated as my oldest son has turned into a young man. I get to be the one to guide him through the sex talk, the girls in general talk, the talk about drugs. I am also the one that got to teach him to shave just a few months ago.

Disappointment: My sons will never have that connection with their fathers the way I did with mine.

Hope: I only hope in this single parenting thing I have is that I teach my sons that their children is a gift from God, Not to be abused or ignored, walked away from. But to be treasured and to cherish every moment they have with their own children. To build a bond with them that no one can ever break because that is what I had with my dad.

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Sunday Confessions: Power

Power, it can be the strongest thing there is.

There are different types of power.

A president hs power over a country.

A boss has power over their employees.

An abuser has power over their victim.

A mother has power over her children.

I used to be victim, powered by my husband. I finally escaped that power to then be powered by my mother. She thinks as my mother,she has the right to tell me how to raise my kids. To criticize everything I do as an adult.

The first was easier to get out of. The latter I am still working on. I am learning to block it out and do what I want anyways.

So finally I have power over my own life.


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My facebook family

Six months or so ago, I was spiraling downward into a state of mind where I thought there was nothing life had for me other than my boys. My family and I talk but there has been a strain on our relationships since my dad passed away. I felt like I had no one to turn to and just be myself. I work third shift, so it makes it even harder to find people to talk to and making friends with. I pride myself being an upbeat person, always finding the good in everyone. Never one to speak my mind. Just bottle it all up.

At this time I started liking and following a few pages. I finally started commenting on their pages. Through their life, I started talking about mine. They became my friends, without them even really knowing how much so. I don’t really know how it happened but I grew to love a lot of these people. Even thought of some as family. Through this pages I have made some awesome relationships. There is a punk that later became king, That has become a very dear friend. I think of him as my adopted son. There is a Brain that has become like my little sister. I have met a star trek nerd that has become a very dear friend and a honey badger that has inspired me that no mater what life throws at you, be strong and it will be alright.

Since then I have started my own page. Through this page, I have made even more people who I cherish with all my heart. I have met a mom of twins with autism. I have met another mom that is found joy in motherhood. I have met someone with just a shot of common sence.  These ladies have become very dear friends that I love sharing my life with.

I have heard the old statement, that social media is not for real relationships. But I am here to tell you it is. Some of the greatest people I know and love that I have never met but they are in this screen everyday. They are my friends. They are my family. I love you all dearly. Thanks for being here, when I needed a friend..


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